I had hoped to remain in ignorant bliss until some of this crazy stock market action has settled, but I opened my IRA statement quite by accident and was horrified to see that the value of my IRA (stock mutual fund) dropped from nearly $44,000 from last year to $31,500 currently.

Ignorance WAS bliss. Still contributing $100 a month. And I still have about 20 years to recover, so I think I'll be ok. But still, could someone pass the Kleenex, please...give me a moment...

(Note: I haven't yet reviewed my balance in my 401K. Same deal, I imagine. Considering my wide-eyed reaction to my IRA balance, I'll wait as long as possible to look at the balance for my 401K. Good grief!)

I just hit a work anniversary and realized this: I am tired of working!

I've been working full-time for 22 years (with a one year break in my late 20s due to a relocation move with my first husband). I'm TIRED!

But every morning I drag my tired butt out of bed, wash my face, brush my teeth and show up, because payday is around the corner and the only way I can see that I'll become financially free or wealthy (dare I dream?) is to focus on doing everything I can to honor the money I make and to save as much of my paycheck as possible.

Nine years, 11 months and 13 days until retirement.

My current job is not a job I love (nor have any of the previous jobs been jobs I've loved), but I currently work with people I both admire and enjoy working with, so I let that thought comfort me in the midst of my day-in-day-out routine.

My dream, however, is to wake up and stretch (with a joyful smile on my face of course), THEN decide if I want to write a novel or make pancakes that day. Or decide if I want to tend a garden or go to the library. Or decide if I want to tutor school kids in math or learn a new instrument.

Not only that, I also want to be able to donate money (and time) to any number of causes out there that have tugged at my heart in the past several years, either locally, nationally or internationally.

In my twenties I had no idea that I'd be working this long. I guess I thought I'd marry some rich guy and live happily ever after??? It started to dawn on me in my thirties that the rich guys weren't looking for me (though there were plenty of poor guys who loved me madly) and here I am in my forties still at it.

One day, one day... A girl can dream, can't she?

I do not buy lotto tickets. Nothing personal. Maybe some religious concerns. But really, I just prefer to keep the dollars that I work for. I've probably spent a few dollars over my lifetime buying raffle tickets, scratch-offs, and the like in the past, but no regular lotto tickets for me.

I watched a show about lottery winners. It was fun to watch. I even found myself wondering what I'd do with all that money at once.

But here's the thing. I used to work with a gentleman who was in his late 50s and unmarried. He had a few expensive hobbies like traveling abroad, photography, and buying $20 worth of lotto tickets every Friday. Every Friday without fail he would tell us that he felt he had the lucky numbers this week and he would purchase $20 of lotto tickets after work. I worked with him for 10 years. We eventually grew tired of teasing him about winning, but I can only recall him talking about winning a prize of $500 and some odd dollars during the 10 years I worked with him.

The 'thought' of prosperity seemed to help him feel rich but I wonder, now that he's in his late 60s or early 70s (I'm no longer in contact with him), does he ever wish he'd put that $20 a week into something more certain? That's approximately $100 a month! Multiply that by 10 years and even without interest earned, it's over $12,000, which is a tidy chunk of change.

Anyway, he taught me to treat my paycheck as my own personal lottery winning. Yeah, I have to work for it, but payday is a good day. I'm happy for people who actually win millions in the lotto because that HAS to be exciting. But for me, every payday that comes, I get excited in trying to save as much as possible and stretch that baby out as far as it will go. That's about the only winning I'm going to be doing.

Ok, so it really wasn't a birthday bash. It was actually a BORING birthday according to my son. For my birthday last week (the 15th), I tried to ask my family not to buy anything for me, but instead that we just enjoy a leisurely breakfast together at a nearby restaurant and to allow me to enjoy the one thing I really wanted...time alone to write and read.

The kid (who likes to spend money) wanted to buy me something expensive (which he equates with 'valuable') for my birthday and was very disappointed when I had no request for anything in particular. He bought me supermarket flowers (which were wonderful and thoughtful and smelled great and the best gift he's ever given me) and a scented name-brand candle that also smelled good, but that I suspect he paid too much for in an effort to impress a mother who doesn't want or need to be impressed or in an effort to show me he really loves me. (I keep telling him that love has no price, but his materialism convinces him otherwise.) My spouse also bought me flowers and candy and a gift certificate for clothes shopping. And we did go out to eat breakfast.

It's nice to be loved and for my family to want to give me nice things, but my prize gift that day was leaving my family behind and getting a motel room alone. Because of my frugality and my primary intention to read and write through that day and night, I got a basic single room at a Super 8 Motel. Clean, simple, relatively safe neighborhood, relatively quiet, free coffee, toast and fruit in the morning, and the room had blackout curtains, a desk where I could write and a fairly comfortable couch to sit on for reading. It was one day/night and it was absolutely fabulous. I read. I wrote. Then I wrote. Then I read. Then I slept. Then I wrote some more.

At my age, the main thing I lack is the freedom to do what I want with my time. My days are filled with my full-time job, having to get things done pertaining to the house or having to get somewhere or get the kid or my step-grandchildren somewhere or support my spouse or volunteer at my church or something. I want to read and write more often and sometimes I just want to sit quietly without 3 TVs and a radio blaring in the house all at the same time. (This describes my house accurately on a daily basis, but add to that 3 young boys--the step-grandchildren--that my husband babysits and there's not much quiet time to be had.)

My son thought that my birthday was the most boring birthday a person could have, but I am still smiling about it. Happy Birthday to me...

Focus.

Consistency.

Learning from my father's thrift. (My mother, however, calls him cheap.)

A cash-only budget (envelope system) for flexible expenses.

Regular automatic savings allotments toward several savings goals--wealth, retirement, Christmas shopping, home repairs, college fund, etc.

A steady salary. (I'm so grateful!!)

Shopping thrift stores (go Goodwill!!) for 80 to 90% of my clothing.

Discovering the finance book section in the library.

Discovering savingadvice.com (yay me!)

I stumbled across a book in the library called True Prosperity, Your Guide to a Cash-Based Lifestyle by K.C. Knouse. This book would have been an excellent book for me to read before purchasing a house. Unfortunately I didn't read the book before purchasing a house.

Not to say I'm not overly grateful to live in my home and to be able to afford it, because I am extremely grateful. But here's the thing: People tell you that buying a house is the American Dream. They say it's a great tax break. They tell you to stop throwing money away on rent. I can't speak for everyone, but if you're a saver like me and thought you were really doing something when you had a large down payment for your first home, you're in for a suprise. Once you sign that paperwork and pay those ridiculous closing costs you are not 'home free'. You're in debt. You're obligated to a bank who technically owns your house until you pay off the mortgage, you're responsible for every repair, every appliance, and every bill, and now you have to cut the grass. Truth be told, this was not the dream I had in mind.

Purchasing a house created bills I never even heard of (Escrow? Or.. A water heater costs HOW much?) Talk about being a grown up! After putting down a large down payment, I didn't have much savings left, but sure wish someone had told me that I would NEED savings after closing on the house. Within the first few weeks of closing, we managed to replace a faulty water heater, purchase yard equipment (an all-day field trip to the local home imporovement store), and buy mattresses and beds for 2 bedrooms with miminal credit card debt. (For the rest of the house, we used our existing furniture from our apartments.) The previously uncharted expenses seemed NEVER-ENDING and I would stare at the ceiling at night wondering why all the people I talked to about home-ownership never told me ANY of the after-story. (Now I find that it's because it's considered "NORMAL" to struggle financially and everyone I talked to back then wanted me to have the same kind of fun they were having.)

After being in the house for 10 years, I've almost (almost!) got the budget manageable. (Yes, it's taken 10 years to adjust, cope and get a manageable budget.) I still have a ways to go, but the mortgage is our only debt. And I'm grateful for that. Besides saving for a new roof (and it looks like we might need a new stove and fridge soon, insulation in the attic, landscaping and plumbing work--oh the joy!), I'm considering trying to pay the morgage off early. Still researching that since I'm not sure this is the house we'll live in for the rest of our lives... But I'm thinking, thinking, thinking...

The kid.

The kid's college expenses.

The spouse.

The house.

Three automobiles.
(All are paid for but cost in maintenance and insurance. Unfortunately, for both the expense and the environment, it's difficult to get around our city without an automobile.)

Medical expenses.
(Includes my son's extensive and expensive dental work, his contact lenses, my glasses, medical concerns for 2 chronic illnesses (lupus--me--and cerebral palsy--my spouse).

Note: Feel trapped by many of the above expenses above, but trying to stay hopeful. I've looked and looked and will keep looking to see where I can cut back. I'm able to cut back on small items fairly easily, but these big items...yikes! It's not very pretty once I add it all up.

1. A luxury car.
2. A Rolex.
3. A gas-guzzler anything.
4. Diamond earrings. (I can't keep up with the cheap earrings.)
5. A yacht or boat.
6. A service contract on appliances.
7. A $200 dollar dinner at a fancy restaurant.
8. An exotic snake as a pet. (eeww!)
9. Breast implants.
10. A third husband (the first two have taught me well).