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Archive for March, 2016

Everything is Going to Be All Right

March 2nd, 2016 at 05:06 pm

A lot going on... This is going to be a long post..

Spouse had his hip surgery, but hasn't recovered well. His hip is progressing as expected considering his disability, but his memory is gone. Perhaps because of the anesthesia, and his 2 prior seizures within the past 5 months. He only knows who I am because of the nurse. He's in rehab and both physical and speech therapists are working with him. He's got our address, his children's names and the names of his brothers and sisters, but it's slow going. He was hiding things from me, his cane, his car keys, prior to his surgery so I wouldn't limit his driving, (he's the primary caregiver for his mentally retarded son, who is 31, which means laundry, paying bills and grocery shopping) but now he, of course, has no idea where he's hidden them. He barely remembers his son, let alone that he's his caregiver. I have no good plan when he gets discharged, but will work it out with God's help.

My son, who is 26 now, had another mental breakdown that required hospitalization. He was discharged the day before my spouse went into surgery. His current diagnosis is schizo-affective disorder. He was doing well without medication for about 6 months (which he requested and the doctor agreed, with caution), but now we have to begin again. He's doing better, but adjusting to the medication is going to take time. The thing about mental illness is the brain of the one who has it often doesn't know they are ill--it's not just denial, their brain just doesn't register it. So that's an additional challenge, but I'm working it out with support (NAMI is great) and all the reading I can do (re-reading I Am Not Sick, I Don't Need Help). He rear-ended a car in a car accident a few weeks ago and the car he was driving was totaled. I think that began his spiral into a mental breakdown.

So not only am I carrying the financial load by myself, I'm now also carrying the mental and physical load of my household. Watching my son for symptoms and helping him manage his recovery, visiting my spouse in the rehab everyday to assist with his therapy and memory. Explaining to his family that he doesn't answer his phone because he's confused and doesn't know anyone. (His surgery was 18 Feb, no idea of expected discharge.)

I'm working at my job half-days for now, still doing the financial record-keeping for the church I attend, the house is a mess, I'm cooking light meals and buying more fast food than usual, doing dishes and laundry.

I'm seeking the remaining needed occupational aids for spouse's return home (portable toilet, cushions for the car and wheelchair, replacing his favorite chair, which is now too low for him to sit).

I'll need to replace the totaled car eventually.

I'll need to deal with hospital bills X 2.

I need to stay healthy.

I'm managing extended family as best I can. I have to manage my job and paid leave, and manage all of our upcoming appointments. I'll also have to deal with a possible lawsuit through the insurance for my son's car accident, finish my taxes (almost done) and, to top it off, get exempted from jury duty (I just got a summons yesterday).

It seems like a lot, but I'm ok. I'm doing what I can to manage. I'm tired. And trying to keep from getting too overwhelmed -- it's minute by minute. It's taking a herculean effort to focus on the positive, but I gotta focus on the positive-- I can't go down with the ship!

In spite of the chaos, i'm still working on my savings plan. I even increased my retirement a little. Only my saving advice friends will understand that. It helps me feel like I have some control or order and it's also fun to focus on. Somehow, everything is going to be all right!

Happy saving everyone!